A week ago I visited the doctor for an update on my medical tests. To say I was nervous would be a huge understatement. The months of waiting and wondering… fighting the overwhelming urge to despair… it was all catching up to me. God had led me to a place of acceptance… whatever happened, He would be with me and in Him I would have the strength I needed to face it. I just wanted to know what was going on.
Waiting is the worst. With no answers, no hope. We wait. Our minds formulate all possible results… If A happens then that means B will follow and so I’ll need to do C. Honestly, a person can only go around that crazy cycle a few times before insanity starts to set in. Or, at least threatens to.
So, I was sitting there in the doctors office… repeating Ps 91:14-16 over and over again. Mingling fear and hope. It’s such a difficult place to be.
The doctor finally came in to tell me that I have a kidney stone. It’s 6mm in size and is not currently obstructing anything. She is referring me to a urologist for further consult. Mixed with that was news that other than the stone, I’m in good health. SOOOO thankful to hear those words. Having lived with fear that something life-threatening could be wrong with me, it was soothing balm to my ears to hear that all was well aside from the stone.
Now… I wait for the urologist. Because I’m being seen through the county medical program, there is much “review” and red tape associated with seeing a specialist. Fortunately (providentially?), the job I’m currently working that was to end mid June was extended to the end of June and then extended again to the end of July. So, my timeline to move to Seattle has shifted. It looks like I’ll be in Seattle early August.
Despite all the evidence that God has provided for me in the past… I still have a sense of anxiety about getting to the doctor and getting everything ready and moved to Seattle. It’s hard to see how it all could possibly work out right. Yet, I know God is so much bigger than this situation, this moment. The working out of my faith is a painful thing.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. They mean the world to me.
